Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
