He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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