I didn't shave. On purpose
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
