Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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