Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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