i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
