Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
