You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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