I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
