Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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