you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize