if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
