i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
