She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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