You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
