I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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