i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
