Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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