How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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