my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize