I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
