so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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