In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
