my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
