Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
