Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
