Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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