Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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