you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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