The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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