Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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