I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
