I cannot find my penis.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
