He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
