No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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