I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
