Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
