I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
