Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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