he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
