is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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