Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
