HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
