I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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