He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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