the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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