Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
