Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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