Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
