My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
