i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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