: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
