Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
