WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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