UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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