then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
