your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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