I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
