just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
