he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
