i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
