Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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