I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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