i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
