I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
