I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
