It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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