i was born a porn star she said
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
