the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
