Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
