I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
